To Mom and Dad

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Mom, Dad ……. 

You know I don’t talk a lot. Mom, the other day Dad told me that you worried he’d forget me in the car when I was a kid, because I was so quiet. 

But today, on the day of my 18th birthday, I want to give you a little tribute. Some words from the heart to show what you mean to me. Even though we’re celebrating me today, I really wanted to be the one to give you a gift, because you have given me so much. 

As a shy kid, sometimes the easiest way is to write down what you feel. 

Soon I’ll be leaving Brazil to fulfill my dream of playing in Europe, and I have thought a lot about how we got here. You don’t become a man just because you get older, right? You mature through hardship and difficulty.

When I look back, I still can’t really believe what you did for me. 

I mean …… How many parents would uproot their entire lives to follow the dream of their little kid, when he is eight years old?

How many parents would leave their house, their jobs, their friends? 

The older I get, the crazier it seems. I still remember how much you prayed during the year before we left São Paulo for Belo Horizonte. You didn’t know whether to accept that proposal from the guy who wanted to bring me to Cruzeiro. Dad, you actually told him the same thing that people would tell you so many times. 

“The boy is eight. Are you nuts?”

That guy really made it his goal to take me to Cruzeiro. Is it true that he couldn’t sleep after watching me play? The way I remember it, you began to seriously consider it when he recorded a video of me and sent it to the Cruzeiro academy, and then promised to help us with everything we needed. 

For 12 months, you prayed and prayed. 

Should we stay? Should we go?

I mean …… How many parents would uproot their entire lives to follow the dream of their little kid, when he is eight years old?

- Estêvão

Dad, I was old enough to know that you served as a pastor at our local church in Franca, and that your dream was to grow the community there. 

When you finally decided to take me to Cruzeiro, a lot of people thought it was not going to work out. 

I understand why, because in this country, the chances of making it as a footballer are like 0,0000001%. But I remember what you always told them….

“I know what I have on my hands.”

You were always my biggest fan. 

The old pickup truck is still imprinted on my mind. On the day we left Franca, we threw all our clothes into it, said goodbye to Mom and drove the whole day to Belo Horizonte. I’m still not sure why we didn’t eat for the entire trip, but I remember the pizza place we found when we arrived, on the corner next to the house we were going to rent. I think the menu had two options:

PIZZA SMALL | PIZZA LARGE

Man …… I can feel my stomach churn just thinking about how hungry we were.

But when you have so little money, what can you do? We got the small one, the one with four slices.

Tiny. Chewy. No taste. 

It’s still the worst pizza I’ve ever had. 

When I began playing at the Cruzeiro academy, I remember that one of the coaches there was shocked to see me. 

He was like, “Kid, I know that someone at this club has signed you, and that we’re supposed to develop young players at this club, but this is crazy. You’re eight years old. What are you doing here?”

He was talking to me as if I’d gotten lost at the training ground. 

“Where is your father?”

To be honest, I didn’t fully realise that Cruzeiro was Cruzeiro. Do you know what I mean? To me it was just another place to meet new friends and play football. I was more curious about the police cars at my new school. 

On my first day, I saw lots of officers and flashing blue lights.

I asked a kid, “What happened?”

He was like, “Oh, this is normal. They come here almost every day.”

“Kid, I know that someone at this club has signed you, and that we’re supposed to develop young players at this club, but this is crazy. You’re eight years old. What are you doing here?”

Just a few hours later, I saw a fight inside the classroom. Two kids punching each other, rolling over the tables. I had never seen something like that. My school at Franca had been so quiet, and now I was with all these older guys who always got in trouble. Do you remember how scared I was? The only time I felt safe was when we were together, or when I had a ball at my feet. 

Mom, I felt a lot better when you left your job at the shoe factory to join us there. But still, those first difficult weeks turned into months ….. and years ….. and then one day you told me that there was a problem with the landlord, and that we might get evicted. 

For a time, we didn’t know if we’d have a roof over our heads the next day. I was too young to understand, but now I realise how hard it must have been for you.

Then we got news that Dad’s church was falling apart. 

Dad, I still feel sorry for you.

You cared so much.  

You really felt the weight of having to make that decision.

Even at that age, I could see it in your eyes. I could hear it in your voice. But the weight that you carried on your shoulders? This I can still only imagine. 

We almost went back to Franca so many times. 

We so nearly gave up. 

It would have been the easy thing to do, right?

But every night, I saw you pray.

I didn’t understand how you could have so much faith. I was still a kid, and there was no clear sign that this would work out. 

I only realised years later, when Dad told me about the girl in the church. 

Dad, do you remember? 

Back when we were living in Franca, you took me to the church whenever you didn’t want me to stay at home on my own. You would go into one of the little side rooms to pray on your own, and I would bring out my ball and play. I was only three years old, but I’d dribble past the wooden benches, play a one-two with the wall and sprint towards the altar. I broke a clock hanging on the wall. I broke so many things. 

One day you came out of the prayer room, and you told me to sit next to you on one of the benches. Then you told me about the girl. 

Let me try to retell it correctly ….. Before I was born, you had been at the church when this girl had knocked at the door, right? She said, “God is going to give you a son, and he will bring a lot of joy into your life. He will open many doors for you.”

You were surprised, because you didn’t even have a girlfriend at the time. 

You told her, “Listen, my dream is to found a church and help people. I don’t even want to get married.”

But then the girl read the passage from the Bible where David gets a son named Solomon, who goes on to build temples. She said, “Your son will help you build your church. He will crown you.”

And then you married Mom, and when she got pregnant, you realised that God was fulfilling his promise. That’s why you called me Estêvão — «Crown». 

The first time I heard that story, everything made sense to me. If I became a footballer, you could help more people. You could found your church. 

When we left for Cruzeiro, you were not just helping me chase my dream.

You were listening to God. 

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I’ll never forget when you actually told me, “You are a gift from God.”

Even now that I’m 18, it’s hard for me to understand. But I know that my desire to play football is not normal. Even when the police turned up at our school, and we didn’t know if we’d have a place to stay, I never thought about going back to Franca.

This desire to play and score and win and improve, little by little, day by day …. it’s a natural part of me, like my lungs and my heart. 

Dad, you always said that I don’t have the skills of Neymar — (who does??) — but that my real talent is my desire. Maybe this is the gift from God? 

Whenever we went out to train, you said, “The moment you say stop, we’ll stop.”

Just say the word. 

I could have done it so many times. 

Like when we were playing in that field near our house, and I stepped in a pile of horse shit. Man, that smell …….. What a joke. 

Or when I was chased around by your snarling rottweiler, which was twice my size and always wanted to steal my ball. What a giant. So strong and so fast. He was like Van Dijk! The first defender I faced.  

Or when a heavy drawer fell out and completely smashed my finger just as I was getting my clothes to play a game. Blood everywhere. You wanted to take me to hospital, and I had to beg you to let me sit on the bench. Just before you left to do some errands, you ordered the coach to not put me on …….. and when you came back, I’d taped up my finger and scored three goals. 

What else could I do? I had to help my teammates. 

But the time I was closest to stopping was when we played on the dirt pitch where we lived in Jardim Aeroporto. When the local team is named Narcotráfico, I guess it tells a story about a place. But I always loved it when you gathered all those kids to play.

Two versus two. Three versus three. 

You as the goalkeeper ….. and the referee. 

To commit a foul in those games, you pretty much had to put someone in hospital, right? I hope you understand how hard it was for me, because all the other kids were older and stronger, and I was this tiny boy running and dribbling everywhere, and whenever I was elbowed or chopped down ….. 

“PLAY OOOOOOOOOON.”

You never called the foul. And of course I didn’t mean it literally when I asked whether you were blind. But when you’re a kid and you just want to score, the injustice you feel is incredible. My knees were bloody and bruised. One day I broke down crying, because I felt the world was against me. 

Then after the game, we would drink sodas in the sun with the other boys. 

“Hey Estêvão, you know when I kicked your knee? I’m sorry ....” 

I could have said the word. But the next day, we’d be back. 

Mom, I understand why you would ask Dad about those games when we got home. I think you were worried that they would break my spirit. And Dad, you always said, “Trust me, I’m building his character so that one day, he'll be ready.”

Soon the other kids could not even foul me. 

When I was five, I was toying around with the rottweiler. 

When I was seven, the school let me play for the team that was one year older. 

Dad, the only mistake you made was when I was very little. Since you had been a goalkeeper in the local leagues, I wanted to be a goalkeeper too, and you actually gave me the gloves. And I ended up going, What am I supposed to do with these? 

I found a ball and started dribbling, and you took back the gloves right away. 

Thank God. Can you imagine? Me …… ? As a goalkeeper?

I mean, do you remember how much time I spent studying Neymar? School, practice, watching him on YouTube …… that was my life. 

“neymar skills……..”

“neymar santos highlights……..”

“neymar sombrero ……..”

There isn’t a single kid in Brazil who hasn’t searched for those words.

Those moves were so hard to copy. I’ve never seen anyone do a sombrero like the one Neymar did. I still don’t understand how he did it. I don’t even know if he does.

But Dad, you always encouraged me to try. 

If I failed? Try again. 

Smile. 

And I loved that, because I wanted to play with freedom. I always went for it, even when everyone was telling me to play it safe. That is the spirit of Brazilian football, and you always told me that.

Never run away from your roots.

The moment we lose our soul, we also lose our way. 

I’m still convinced that those moments helped us survive in Belo Horizonte. The key was that we never stopped working. After training at the academy, we would grab a ball and walk to the field near our rental house, the one where all the cows and horses were grazing, and we would practice whatever skill I had messed up in training. 

If I’d missed a chance with my right leg?

Shooting drills. 

If I’d screwed up a pass?

Back to basics — right leg, left leg. 

We’d practice until the sun had set and we could no longer see the ball. And then we would walk home, exhausted, with our shirts full of dirt. It’s like you told me that one time …….. 

A lot of people would like to walk our path, but they don’t want to wear our shoes. 

Although as you get older, those moments seem like the happiest, you know?

To others it seemed like work. To us it was simply fun. 

It’s funny ….. when we were at the Go Cup in Goiânia, I didn’t even realise that I’d played the tournament of my life. But that was the moment when all the things we had worked so hard at came together. 

The shots. The passes. The stepovers. 

Right leg, left leg. 

I’d never played so well. 

And almost overnight, everyone took notice of me. I went from being “just another kid” to one of the biggest talents in Brazil at my age. Cruzeiro even set up a new youth category for me at Toca da Raposa, just to make sure that I developed in the best way possible. In just a few days, all the faith you had shown in me was justified. 

Then Nike wanted to sponsor me. 

I was about 10 years old, right? You didn’t let me on the Internet very often, so I only knew about Nike because they sponsored Neymar. I was actually trying to get my head around the whole thing.

I was like, “So …….. they will give me boots, the same that Neymar has?”

You said, “Correct.”

“For free?”

“Yes.” 

“And then they will pay us to wear them?”

“Well, yes, that’s how a sponsorship works.”

I guess you were trying to play it cool, but we all knew what that deal meant. 

We’d made it. 

We could pay rent. 

We could afford a real pizza.

God had heard our prayers. 

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I can’t lie ….. when I left Cruzeiro, I felt both joy and sadness. 

Joy for starting a new chapter at Palmeiras. Sadness for leaving behind so many people and memories. I was actually really anxious, because I was wondering if I could recreate my old form at my new club. 

As you know, I was injured when I got there. It was horrible, because seeing other people train when I can’t makes me feel nervous. 

The only way out was to rely on the discipline that you had given me. 

I tell people that my dad is football, and my mom is education. Both take effort and dedication. Mom, I’m so grateful that you always saw the human behind the footballer. When you’re a kid, you think that you’re going to play forever, but now I realise why you always wanted me to study. I remember this one Palmeiras game in the Libertadores where I’d scored a great goal, and when I got home late at night ………. honestly, I kind of expected you to give me a big hug.

“My son, what a great game you played!”

The reaction every kid secretly wants.

But you said, “Estêvão …….. did you do your homework?”

I had just sent millions of Palmeiras fans celebrating, and you didn’t care. I was supposed to have done some test for my course, and I didn’t have the time. 

You didn’t even allow me to go to bed. 

I said, “Mom …… I’m exhausted.”

Oh-oh. Then you got seriously mad at me. 

I said, "“OK Mom! OK! I’ll do it. Tomorrow .....”

You didn’t even let up when I was asleep. Do you remember when I was playing that tournament in Indonesia? I’d missed a test for my online course, and my school must have sent you a message, because you called me in the middle of the night.

I was like, “ OK OK, I’ll do it.” 

At the time, I simply didn’t understand it. 

Today, I know that you did it out of love. 

That mentality helped me so much at the Palmeiras academy, because I always did what I had to do, even when I didn’t want to. I think I was in the schoolyard one day when a guy from the club called me to congratulate me for having been called up.

I was like, “For what?”

He said, “Well ......... The U17s.”

I thought he was joking, but then I checked the Brazil squad list and my name was there. I ran out of school like some kid in a cartoon, and that’s when I called the two of you to share the news. I’ve barely seen any of you cry that much. 

That evening, we did a special prayer, to thank God for what he had given us.

But even when things were going well, you made sure I didn’t relax. 

Like that one time two years ago, when I landed in Brazil, and I got a call from João Paulo, the head of the Palmeiras academy. He told me that the seniors wanted me to finish the championship with them, and then he asked if I wanted to join them in two days, or the very next day. I said I’d go there in two days. 

And then Dad, when I called you to tell the news, you barely even celebrated. You were like, “What do you mean in two days?”

I was like, “Well, yeah, I just got off a flight, and I feel a little tired.”

You said, “Listen, you are going to call him back, and you are going to say that you’ll be there tomorrow.”

Of course I did. What else was there to say?

I actually got a little scared once I got to the seniors. They were so strong, so tough …… I’m not that big! Thankfully, the group was wonderful from the first day. No vanity or arrogance. On the pitch, they can be mean, but off it, they’re the kindest group of professionals you could ever meet. 

What a blessing it was to meet Abel Ferreira. Dad, we talked about this …… He was the one who really pushed me out of my comfort zone. He played me as a winger. He taught me how to press and defend. 

Thanks to him, I have become a lot more complete. 

We were all hoping that the Brazil senior team would call me up one day ……. but nothing can ever prepare you for a moment like that. I’ve never sat so still my entire life. Waiting there at home with you on the white couch, folding my hands …. Then they said my name on TV, and Dad, you embraced me and we hugged on the sofa for what must have been five minutes. We cried. We prayed. We had visualised this when we were walking home together from the field, and then suddenly one day I was standing in a dressing room and the yellow shirt was right there in front of me. So clean. So bright. 

It was magical. I remember going down for lunch, and seeing Vinícius Júnior, Rodrygo, guys I had watched on TV. I also found Endrick, my good friend from Palmeiras. What a joy it is to play with these guys.

But there is one guy I want to play with for Brazil. Neymar ……. God willing. 

The very first time he messaged me, I nearly cried. 

My biggest reference in football knows about me.

And do you remember how sad I was when I missed the penalty against Corinthians? Dad, you usually give me a complete breakdown of my game, but that time there were no words. You looked at me, and you could tell that I was completely broken. 

“Come here …… “

We gave each other a big hug.

And then I disappeared into my own little world, just me and my phone. I didn’t even want to look at the news. I opened Instagram, looking for something to cheer me up.

A funny meme. A silly reel. 

Anything.

Then I checked my DMs, and I saw it. 

. . . .

. . . . . . . . .  

Neymar Jr

. . . . . . . . .  

. . . .

Another DM from my football idol. 

He really didn’t have to do it, but he knew how much pressure a 17-year-old can go through in Brazil, and how the fans and the media can kick you when you’re down. 

He told me to stay confident, and said that I’m going to miss many more penalties in my career. It’s part of the game. What matters is how you react. 

Mom, Dad, I’m not even sure you realise what that meant to me.

When he said that I would be the next genius in Brazil, I felt like printing the words and hanging them on my wall. 

So to get to play with Neymar? I can only do my part. 

I’ve told you many times that my biggest dream is to bring the World Cup home to Brazil. I think this transition to European football will help me grow even more as a player, especially since we’re going to one of the biggest clubs in the world. 

A lot of people are asking me why we chose Chelsea, but they don’t understand how much Chelsea wanted me, and how much belief they have in my potential. Those people don’t know about the project they presented to us. To a young player, these things matter a lot, and I know we’ve made the right decision to go to London. 

Until then, I simply want to enjoy these last few months at Palmeiras. 

You know how hard it will be for me to leave the Palmeiras fans. The truth is that I barely even know what to tell them. From the first moment I stepped on the pitch, they have shown me so much love and affection. To know that I’ve been able to give them joy in return … It’s a priceless feeling. 

This club will always have a special place in my heart. 

When I look back, I’m also grateful to Cruzeiro for playing such a big part in my development. I’m even happy that I was kicked down by the big boys in Franca, because they toughened me up. Everything happens for a reason, right? 

But Mom, Dad …… nothing compares to what you have given me. I hope you realise now how much you have meant to me, and how important you are in my life. 

Mom, thank you for teaching me that life is more than just football. 

And Dad, I’m so proud of the social work you are doing as a pastor in Franca. By helping me chase my dream, you have realised your own, and those of so many others.

But of all the gifts that you have ever given me, there is one that is the most important. It was 10 years ago, when my sister Esther was born. This was better than any birthday present that I could ever receive. It was a gift from God. Remember bringing her home from the hospital, and just staring at her in the backseat of the car? 

Can you believe everything that we have lived together, as a family? 

Mom and Dad, I just want to say, on my 18th birthday, before we begin a new chapter….. you will always be my two biggest idols. 

Whatever I achieve, I will owe it to you.

Thank you for the journey so far. Let’s enjoy these last months in Brazil together. 

And Dad, I’ll see you after training tomorrow. 

I’ll bring the ball.