This Was All Supposed to Happen

We had a team meeting the day before the gold medal match this summer in Paris. Everyone was settled into their seats, waiting for coach Emma to walk in. And look, I’m not going to make it overly dramatic, the vibes were really good. We didn’t need some big speech moment. But I think, no matter how many times we told ourselves, “It’s just another match, it’s just another match,” there’s always that weight, right? It’s gold. So maybe we felt that a bit, you know?



And so Emma comes in, and she's talking, and it's your typical pregame preparation stuff, and everyone is nodding along ..... and then at some point she goes .....

"We haven't come this far to f*** it up tomorrow." 

And everybody just started cracking up.


It just cut through the whole room, the whole moment.


And it was true!!!



You know, like, we had come this whole way…. So many of us had worked our entire lives to play for gold. All the hours on the field, in the weight room, rehabbing from injuries. All the sacrifices our families made for us. We didn’t want to f*** it up. We didn't want to get to that moment and not be who we are. Not be ourselves. And that’s what Emma’s message was really about. At least how that’s how I heard it. Just be us. We were a team that was playing without fear, with togetherness — with love. 

That last bit, that’s what matters the most to me. 

It’s been a few months since Paris, since all that. I keep thinking about what the whole experience meant to me. And I keep coming back to joy.

Because it wasn’t that long ago that I felt like I lost my love for the game.

That’s a scary feeling.

Because what if it doesn’t come back?

What if I don’t become the person I thought I was meant to be?

What if it doesn't all work out, in the end?

When I made the Olympic team in 2016, I just tried to be a sponge. I wanted to soak up everything I could. There were these terrific leaders on the team like Crystal, Carli, Pinoe, Alex — they meant so much to our group. I was 18 years old and I felt like anything was possible. I saw the roadmap, right? You know how you have this vision for your life, and when things are going your way, it all seems right there, right in front of you?

Yeah .... that's not how life works. My map got torn to shreds. In 2020 and 2021 I had some nagging injuries I couldn’t really shake. And I think the pandemic sort of changed my perspective on the game a bit. It felt like a job. Camps felt hard. Training wasn’t coming easy. No matter what your profession was around that time, things just felt different, right? 

And when I wasn’t healthy, I couldn’t be me — the girl who just loved to have the ball at her feet. I felt a lot of pressure to make that Olympic team in 2021. I think my self-worth was tied up with being on that roster. And when Vlatko called and told me I wasn’t going to make it, I almost felt … relieved in a way. I knew it was coming, because, like I said, I hadn’t been the best version of myself those two years. So when I knew I’d be watching from home, I had this opportunity to work on myself a bit. Not just as a player, but off the field, too. 

I learned to let go of the expectations I had for myself, a bit. The passion, the drive to be great — it’s still there. I just know now that I’m the person God wants me to be, that he has a plan for me. My faith allowed me to just let things be.

I was kind to myself in recovery. I was patient as I got back on the field. I trusted the process. 



And, you know what?



I had fun again. 



Playing for Chicago brought the joy back into my game. We have a really great group there and being with them each day really helped me just fall in love with soccer again. And when the 2023 World Cup cycle got close, I felt a different type of excitement. A freedom. There was no pressure to make the team, or live up to anyone else’s expectations — I was just going to be me. If I put the hours in, if I was true to myself, then what I deserved would come my way. 

I was playing well in the lead up to the 2023 World Cup. I felt like I had grown, like what I had overcome personally when I missed the Olympic team had prepared me for this.

I was starting to see the map again.....

Then my patellar tendon blew up. In April. Three months before the World Cup. And yeah ... all that process stuff? All my positive thinking? I think I was literally delusional, in the moment. It felt so unfair that my brain was just like: No, this isn't happening. You're fine. I was laying on that field, screaming Rose Lavelle’s name, hoping somebody would come over and just pop my knee back in if that’s what was wrong. Just fix me real quick so I could get back out there.

I remember saying to Vlatko as I was being carted off, “Don’t worry, I’m just going to the hospital for a bit.” 

Vlatko just looked at me. 



I was like, “I’ll see you guys in St. Louis for our next game!!” 



I’ve always felt like I could just bounce back from whatever happened to me. But when I got to the hospital, it started to sink in what recovery was going to look like. The World Cup was impossible. There was nothing anyone could do. It sucked. And so I had the surgery. And it went fine. But then about a week later I got really sick. Like .... really sick. My entire body felt awful and I could barely function. I was just like, “Am I supposed to feel this bad? Is this normal?” So I went back to the hospital and they found that I had an infection in my knee. They wanted to do an emergency surgery because it was spreading and getting pretty serious.



I remember sitting there in the hospital bed, listening to all this and thinking like, “Am… Am I going to die?”



It wasn’t clear to me what the infection was or exactly how I was supposed to be feeling — or when I’d be better. 



It felt like I went from preparing for a World Cup to thinking about my mortality in the span of a few days. It was just a lot. I was on IV antibiotics and had a pic line for five or six weeks I think after the second surgery. I put soccer out of my mind. I just wanted to get better, to feel like myself. That’s really all I focused on for the next few months, and the rest of 2023 as I recovered. Love helped me get through it. The support of my husband, Dansby. Of my family, my friends. All my teammates who reached out and showed their love — it made me feel like I had everyone with me when I was recovering. 



Kelley O’Hara came over to see me when Gotham was playing in Chicago. She’s been supporting me every step of my career and to have her by my side during one of the darkest periods of my life was something I’ll always be thankful for. 


That time away from the game, it might seem weird to some people but I really trusted in God’s plan. Like, even the little bits of doubt I had, I would push them away and tell myself, “This was all supposed to happen.” 



My mind was tested. My body was tested. My faith was tested. 



And I came out on the other side. 



I’m really proud of that. 


I felt that pride sitting in Paris the day before the final.

I came so far just to be there. 

I didn't come that far to f*** it up. 

None of us did.



Emma hadn’t known us for that long. Her first camp was just a few months before the Olympics in Denver. But right away, from that first meeting, there was this connection. She got us. She understood what so many of our players were feeling. The expectation when you wear the USA jersey is to win gold. Nobody cares about form, or injuries, or who you’re playing. They just expect you to win. And it’s like that your whole life. From U14s to the Olympics. And it’s a weight. It’s a blessing, too. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. But I feel it.  

Emma saw that, I think. And she brought back the joy into all of our games. She let us be us.

The characters we have on our team, the personalities — she wanted us to express ourselves on and off the pitch. Girls like Soph and Trin, as cheesy as it sounds, we really became like a sisterhood because of the environment of the group. We were able to bond and form really meaningful partnerships (making TikToks, sending each other TikToks, forcing Alyssa Naeher to be in our TikToks).



We felt like a big family in Paris. 



So at half-time against Brazil when we were tied, there was no panic. There was no reason to change what we were doing. We believed in the person beside us.

We trusted them. 

And we didn't f*** it up. 

You know, everyone always asks me what it was like to score the goal that won the gold.... And if I'm honest, all I remember really was that Soph was offside and I was screaming at her not to touch it. Then next thing I know I’m in on the keeper and I just said to myself, “I gotta finish this.” 



It was one of the best feelings in the world. But we knew how much time was left, and they were still Brazil. It was the longest thirty minutes of soccer I’ve ever played after that. Crystal’s sliding block, Alyssa’s incredible save. Those are the things that win a gold medal. It’s not just a goal.

It’s a full 90 minutes from everybody. It’s all the matches that came before. All the training sessions. It took all of us. 



And when that medal went over my head, when I actually felt the weight of it in my hand — I just couldn’t believe it. I thought of God, and my journey through faith. I’d wanted that moment for so long, I’d dreamt of it for even longer.  To have it finally happen, after everything I had been through, it made me so thankful for everyone I had in my corner. All the truly good people who want the best for me and helped me get back to the person I knew I could be. And my faith in God. To know he’s always good and that he’s always got me. 



My second favorite moment of that day? 



Sitting on the back of the bus with Emma and the girls singing “Party In The U.S.A.”

But really, that day, that night — it felt like the end of a long, long journey. To have my parents there, my best friends, my agent…. It’s a time I’ll never forget. 



I think I’ll remember Paris for a lot of things. The incredible friendships I made. The experience at the closing ceremonies. The outstanding soccer we played. The joy we all felt when we got our medals. But, for me, these Olympics will be about all the years that came before. The ups and downs. The dark moments, the happy ones. And how I found my love for the game again. 

–Mal